Y 2Day Part 2- The Freudian Slip
by Queen Jossie
Summary: Antics with the new millenium, scissors, and 15 fanfiction writers


Y 2 Day? 1/28/00 By Queen Jossie iamthequeen@chickmail.com 

Part 2: After her incident with a drunken Quinn, Daria is forced to adapt to a new "look." The Lawndalians cope with the oncoming new millenium, while the gang may have to cope with ...other fan-fic writers?! 

Same Daria beginning with the writing "Y 2 Day?-Continued" 

INT. Morgendorffer Living Room 

Quinn looks out the window and sees Daria pulling up in the family sedan. Quinn swiftly unlocks the door and stands six feet behind it. 

Daria: (opening door) What a... QUINN! 

Quinn: (slurred) All my life I've been waiting for this moment. All the jokes, all the harassment. Well, it ends here, brain. (lifts up gun(!) with both hands) I've had enough. (cocks gun) It's time for your just desserts. 

Daria: NOOOOOO!!!! 

Just then the door barges open, knocking Daria over and causing Quinn to scream. 

Helen: (sweetly) Hi, girls. We just went out to...(sees the situation, freaks out) WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?! 

Jake: Honey, there's no need to yell. (sees gun) QUINN? What are you doing with the gun? 

Quinn: (recovering from scream) I'm gonna give Daria what she deserves. 

Jake: Well, if she deserves it... 

Helen: JAKE! 

Helen, appalled by what her husband has just said, slaps him so hard he flies out the door. After seeing Daria on the floor, Helen quickly lifts her scared daughter up and walks to Quinn. Even in the presence of a superior, Quinn doesn't budge. 

Helen: Quinn, give me the gun. 

Quinn: It's for her own good, mom. 

Helen: Quinn, now. 

Quinn: Muh-om! I'm not letting her ruin my life again. Look at the mess she made. 

Daria: What mess? I didn't make any mess. I just got back from Jane's. 

Quinn: Sure, that's why you pulled the gun on me first. 

Daria: Mom, remember I asked you for the keys before you left. You and dad were all lovey dovey and he handed the keys to the sedan over happily. I had to go to the hospital to give Trent his guitar. 

Quinn: But you just said you came from Jane's. Mom, she's lying. 

Helen: Quinn, please. 

Daria: I came back from Jane's because Trent got released early. If you don't belive me call up Jane's. 

Helen: (looking at her watch) But, you were gone an awfully long time. 

Daria: I didn't want to bring it up but, (sighs) I walked into the room and Trent was being restrained. I freaked out and passed out. Once I woke up, Jane and I went out for pizza. We went back to the hospital, and Trent was released a little after that. I helped Jane get Trent settled back in for a while then called home. Check the answering machine. 

Quinn: There's no one on the answering machine. What are you talking about, loser? 

Helen: Quinn, shut up! (walks to machine and presses button) 

Daria's Voice: (BEEP!) Hello? Will someone pick up? (pause) UHHHH! (dial tone) 

Daria: See? 

Helen: Quinn, the gun now or no Gold Card. 

Quinn: (hands it over) I don't know why you're getting on me for this. I'm totally innocent. 

Helen: (sniffs air) What's that smell? (looks in Quinn's direction) Quinn, come here. 

Quinn: (sees what she's getting at) Muh-om! That is so wrong! 

Helen: Dammit, Quinn! I've had enough of your antics. Here, NOW! 

Quinn obliges. She walks over and breathes in her mother's face. 

Helen: (winces) Quinn, go to your room, NOW! 

Quinn walks off in a huff. Daria is still standing in shock behind her mother. 

Helen: (turns around, waves gun in her hand) As for you, little missy...(sees Daria's expression of fear)..What? (looks to her hand) Oh, I'm sorry to scare you like that, Daria. 

Daria shakes lightly. Jake, seeing Helen with the gun, runs toward Daria. 

Jake: NO, Helen. Don't take this out on Daria. It's not her fault. 

Helen: (pleading) Jake, go to the kitchen, please. 

Jake: You're not gonna hurt her, are you? 

Helen: Of course not, Jakey. Off to the kitchen. 

Jake: Okay. (walks away) 

Daria: Mom, I don't feel safe around that gun. 

Helen: Would you feel safe in your room, just to calm down? 

Daria: (hugging herself) I guess so. (walks up the stairs. Stops halfway) Mom, were there actually bullets in the gun? 

Helen: Only one way to find out. (aims out the still open door and shoots at the sidewalk) Just blanks, honey. You go rest. 

Daria walks up to her room quietly. Helen realizes what she has just done and freaks out. Holding the gun out in front of her like a dirty diaper, she walks into the kitchen. 

Helen's voice: JAKE? WHY DO WE HAVE A GUN IN THIS HOUSE?!?!?!?! 

INT. Daria's Room. 

A few hours have passed now. By the looks of her room, Daria isn't taking the recent events very well. Clothes and CD's are scattered around the room, a partway finished story is inactive on her computer, and Daria is trying (unsuccessfully) to read a book. After a few seconds, she throws the book to the floor. 

Daria: (thinking) I can't read. I can't write. I can't relax. I gotta tell someone. 

Daria gets up and walks to the hall. Faintly sounds of Quinn crying and her parents talking downstairs can be heard. She grabs the cordless phone and brings it to her room. Quietly she shuts and locks her bedroom door. She flops herself down on the bed and dials. 

INT. Jane's Room. 

Jane sits on the floor with her Stigmata 5000 in hand. She has Trent's guitar case sitting in front of her on sheets of newspaper. Jane is gluing magazine cut-outs of guitars and music related pictures and words. Her music is blasting, but she can hear a phone ringing. 

Jane: (yells) TRENT! CAN YOU GET THAT? (pause, no answer) TRENT!!! 

Jane sighs, turns the music down and grabs the phone. 

Jane: Digame. (Dee-ga-may. Spanish, literally means "give to me", but is taken as "talk to me." See, you're learning!) 

Daria: (over phone) Hey, Jane. 

Jane: What's up. You sound bad. 

Daria: (over phone) I came home and...Quinn was drunk...(voice wavers) loaded gun...at me... 

Jane: WHAT? Holy...are you okay? 

Daria's pov. 

Daria: No, not really. I keep thinking she's gonna walk in here and blow my head off. 

Jane: (over phone) Sorry to hear that, hon. You wanna come over. 

Daria: Hold on. 

In the background Quinn stomps upstairs and into her room. She slams the door shut and starts wailing. 

Daria: If I can, I'll be over. 

Jane: (over phone) Cool. I'll send Trent over in a few. 

Jane's pov. 

Daria: (over phone) Thanks Jane. See ya. 

Jane: Later. (hangs up phone) Well...(sighs) Guess I better clean this mess up. 

Jane unplugs the Stigmata 5000 and sets it on the newspaper. She walks out of the room. 

INT. Kitchen. 

Trent is at the counter boiling water and making a sandwich. He sits down at the table and has the sandwich inches from his mouth when...Jane walks in. 

Jane: (chipper) Hey, Trent. Why don't you go pick up Daria in a few minutes. Something bad happened and she doesn't want to be home tonight. 

Trent: Cool. I'll just finish this sandwich first. 

Jane: Trent, why don't you put it in the fridge. Then you can eat it when you get home. 

Trent: Janey, you remember what happened the last time I ate something out of the fridge? 

Jane: Oh, yeah. (thinks for a second) Wait! You're eating something out of the fridge right now! 

Trent: Look, I'll only be a minute. I'll be over to Daria's in no time. 

EXT. Morgendorffer Residence 

Daria is sitting outside on the porch against the door, waiting for Trent. She checks her watch. 7:09 p.m. 

EXT. Morgendorffer Residence 

Daria is propped against the door and the door frame with her jacket zipped up. Quinn looks outside through one of the Living Room windows with an evil look. The wind has picked up and still no Trent. 10:03 p.m. 

INT. Lane Basement 

At the same time, Trent is propped up against his amp with his guitar in his hands. He shivers after hearing a gust of wind outside. 

Trent: (thinking, v.o.) I know I should be doing something right now, but what is it? 

Another gust of wind whistles through the basement. 

Trent: (struggling) Something....outside....(yawns) wow, I sure am tired. Maybe after a nap I'll remember. (quickly falls asleep) 

EXT. Morgendorffer Residence 

Daria is asleep outside in the cold night. Quinn is now outside as well, tiptoeing (like a geek) to Daria. Most likely walked out the back door. As she nears Daria she keeps her hands cautiously near her chest. In the light, we see a shimmer of silver. What is it she holds? 

Quinn: (whispering) So we meet again, brain. You think appearance doesn't matter? (shows the scissors in all their glory) Meet your auburn hair's worst enemy. (quietly laughs maniacally) 

Daria stirs slightly, then returns to her sleep. 

Quinn: How to do this....(pushes Daria over slightly) I'll do the worst thing possible. 

Cutting noises are heard through the night. 

EXT. Morgendorffer Residence 

An hour has passed since the "deed" was done. Jake has wandered downstairs, as seen through the window. He sees a shadow outside and slowly opens the door. There he finds a shivering Daria, asleep with her bag next to her. 

Jake: Hmmm, I guess she never made it to Jane-o's like she planned. Oh well. 

INT. Morgendorffer Living Room 

Jake kneels down and picks up Daria and places her on one of the couches. He slowly weans the bag away from her and gets a blanket. He "tucks her in" and smiles. 

Jake, forgetting why he woke up at all, goes back upstairs to bed. 

INT. Lane Kitchen 

Jane is munching on a carrot while sketching a piece of the moldy fruitcake. Trent trudges into the room yawning, then looks instinctively at the fridge. Jane observes that Trent is awake and looks at her watch. 

Jane: Trent? 

Trent: Yeah, Janey. 

Jane: It's ten after 11, and you're still up? 

Trent: Surprised I am? 

Jane: Yeah. (thinks for a second) What did you do after you ate that sandwich? 

Trent: Why? 

Jane: Humor me. 

Trent: Well, I went up to my room and grabbed my keys, then forgot why I did, so I went downstairs. Then I played my guitar until I heard the wind gust. So I listened to that for a while until I fell asleep. 

Jane: Feel funny at all? 

Trent: I have a feeling I forgot something. 

Jane: Yeah, I do too. You forgot to pick up Daria didn't you? 

Trent: (eyes bulge with realization) Oh s#*&! What do I do? 

Jane: Well, you could go over and PICK HER UP! (sighs) This is all your fault! 

Trent: Oh no! This isn't all my fault. You didn't remember either! 

Jane: I did too. I just figured...nevermind. 

Trent: What did you figure? 

Jane: (cocky) That maybe you'd remember cuz you decided to tell her how you really feel about her... 

Trent: (harshly) Maybe I will when you drop the YENTA act and let nature take it's course! 

Jane was apalled that Trent yelled at her. Trent never seemed to get mad, let alone yell. Afraid at what would happen next, Jane ditched her art project and ran up to her room. 

Trent, finding himself alone, grabbed his keys and did what he should have done before. 

INT. Jane's Room 

Slamming the door, Jane walks over to a blank canvas and throws it onto the easel. Weilding a paintbrush and a tube of paint, she tries to paint her feelings onto the canvas, but ends up sending the paintbrush through it. 

Jane: DAMMIT! 

Upset, she ditches the painting idea and flops herself onto the bed. Pounding her fist into the mattress seems to relieve some stress. Downstairs a slammed door can be heard. 

Jane: (evil) Good. Leave. I don't want to see you anyway. (goes over the argument in her mind) 

Trent's voice: What did you figure? 

Jane's voice: That maybe you'd remember cuz you decided to tell her how you really feel for her... 

Trent's voice: Maybe I will when.... 

Jane shot up in her bed. 

Jane: Oh....my....GOD!!!! 

EXT. Morgendorffer Residence 

Trent pulls up to the house and walks out of the car. Quickly he runs to the door and sees no sign of Daria. He walks around to the large living room window and peers inside. There a figure of Daria lies dormant on a couch. Trent, lost in guilt, walks closer to the window and touches is softly with his hand, as if he was trying to touch Daria. (aww...) 

Trent: Sorry I let you down again. 

He walks over to his car and gets inside. 

Trent: (thinks, v.o.) First you can't come up with music for a school project, and now this? Trent, you need help. 

He starts the engine and pulls away slowly, still gazing at Daria through the window. Commercial Bumper: Quinn outside with Daria, scissors in hand. 

============================================================================= A young girl with dark brown hair and hazel eyes, about 18, is sitting behind a large oak desk. She is in an office of some type and is flipping through "The Daria Diaries." 

Queen Jossie: Hi. I'm "Queen Jossie", aka Yoshi, aka MM, aka...oh, who cares. I'm here to tell you about the wonderful things in this great book, "The Daria Diaries." 

Danielle: (my sister, just out of view) Hey, hurry up. I have to tape my "Most Fashionable Guys and The Sluts They Date" video, and...hey! The camera hasn't exploded from looking at you yet! 

Jossie: Listen, Quinn. Why don't you pile on another pound of makeup and play with your Barbie doll. 

Danielle: What's wrong with playing with Barbie's? 

Jossie: You're 15. Oh wait, your maturity level is still that of a 6 year old. Nevermind. 

Danielle: Whatever. Just hurry up, okay? (walks off) 

Jossie: You know what, let's talk about how my sister is Quinn's long lost twin. Care to notice the likeness in attitude and clothing? I know you don't but I really don't care, we're gonna anyway! 

Shot of Danielle: 5'6", thin, shoulder length light brown/dark blond hair, dull blue eyes, squarish teeth. She's standing tall in a pair of flare blue jeans (size 5), a tight red long sleeved shirt, and is messing with her hair. The screen splits and Quinn is shown beside Danielle. 

Jossie: (o.s.) Disturbing, huh. Notice the height, bounciness, lack of brain cells, and lack of thinking. Or at least thinking about anything worthwhile. 

Quinn: Which is my best side? 

Danielle: (smug) I don't have a best side. They're all good. 

Quinn: (snotty) Look at my nails. I just had acrylic ones put on. 

Danielle: (smug) Look at mine. They're naturally long. 

Quinn: (saccarine) Look at my waist! Isn't it cute? 

Danielle: Um...(looks down at her own waist) 

Quinn: GOD! You can see your ribcage! 

Sound of a record Scratch. Shot of Jossie at the desk again. 

Jossie: Okay, enough of that. Too much of a scary thing is not good. Oh, now that I think about it, I should clear something up. 

My family has been described as the Morgendorffers. It's pretty much true, except that my mom isn't a workaholic and my dad isn't stupid. But me as the brain and my sister as the brat/clothes/money hog is right on the money. I could care less about what people think of what I wear, whereas Dani is constantly "Does this make me look fat?", "Does this blue match the blue in these pants?" and "My hips are huge!" 

Oh well. What can you do? 

p.s. Just so you know, I am no relation to "Danielle" one of our fellow fan fiction writers, though I bet she's much nicer than my sister. ============================================================================= 

Back to the Show 

INT. Morgendorffer Living Room 

Good Morning! Daria is still asleep on the couch. Helen and Jake are eating breakfast in the kitchen as Quinn saunters downstairs. Slightly hungover, she walks over to the couch and watches Daria sleep. Something is different. 

Quinn: Hey, mom? Could you come here? 

Helen: (o.s.) Just a minute, honey. 

Helen and Jake walk over to Quinn. They look at Daria as well. 

Jake: What's wrong, sweetie? 

Quinn: It's Daria. Something's not right. 

Helen: What do you mean? (leans over couch for closer inspection) There doesn't seem to be any... 

Helen gasps, then quickly covers her mouth. The small noise causes Daria to stir, then awake to her family hovering over her. 

Daria: (freaked) AAHHH! Get away from me! 

The family backs off. 

Helen: I thought you were gonna spend the night at Jane's. 

Daria: So did I. I guess Trent forgot to pick me up. (sees everyone's stares) You know Trent, Jane's brother? 

Jake: It's not that, kiddo. There's something different about you. 

Daria: Well then, what is it? 

Helen: Hon, go look in the mirror. 

Daria walks upstairs to the bathroom. 

Daria: (o.s.) AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! 

INT. Upstairs Hallway 

Quinn, Jake, and Helen have run upstairs to the bathroom. The door is shut and Daria is still inside. 

Jake: (trying handle) What is it, sweetie? 

Quinn: Yeah, why did you freak out? 

Helen: Daria? 

INT. Bathroom. 

Daria is standing before the mirror. We are only seeing her eyes. They look overcome with horror. Slowly the camera pans back to the mirror for a full shot. 

Daria: (pained) I can't belive it. 

Finally we see it. Daria's hair is now a few inches shorter, just a tad longer than in The Daria Diaries. (worry anyone?) 

Helen: (o.s.) Daria, are you okay? 

The door finally opens. Daria turns in terror to her family. All eye's are wide. 

Jake, Helen, Quinn: (in unison) Ooooh! 

Daria: (pissed) Someone cut my hair. 

Jake: It looks fine honey! 

Helen: Jake...(sighs) When did you get your hair cut? 

Daria: That's just it. I didn't get it cut. 

Helen: That's odd. (looks in Quinn's direction) Quinn, where were you lat night? 

Quinn: In my room? 

Helen: Try again. 

Quinn: Honestly! I was, I swear! Anyways Daria, don't worry about it. Hair grows half an inch in a month. 

Jake: Honey, I think we need to talk...again. 

Helen: (grabs Quinn's arm) Quinn, lets go over this one more time.... 

The three walk down the stairs, yet Daria is at a loss. Acting quickly, she grabs her bag and runs downstairs. Helen, Jake, and Quinn wait at the door. 

Helen: Going to Jane's? 

Daria: (quietly, flat) Yeah, bye. 

The door shuts. 

Helen: Come on Jake. Let's let her calm down. 

Jake: Okay... 

Helen: Quinn, you coming? 

Quinn: (lost in thought) Just a sec, mom. 

They leave Quinn in the living room. 

Quinn: (softly) Daria's hair...scissors...why is that so familiar? (realization sweeps across her face) Oh my God! 

EXT. Lane residence a short time later. 

Daria runs to the front door of Jane's house and knocks frantically. Trying to calm down, Daria takes a few deep breaths and waits. After about a minute, she knocks again calmly. 

Trent: (opens door) Hey Daria. Janey's still asleep. (notices Daria's ruddy face) Did your rash come back or something? 

Daria: I ran. 

Trent: Oh. (beat) So... 

Daria: So... 

Trent: So...you wanna come in? 

Daria: (shivers) Yeah, that would be good. (walks in) 

INT. Lane Living Room 

Trent: (shutting door) Sorry I forgot to pick you...(small gasp) 

Daria: What? 

Trent: Your hair. (grins) Did you cut it? 

Daria: No. Actually, I don't know how it got cut. 

Trent blinks. 

Daria: I'm serious. 

Trent blinks. 

Daria: Really. 

Trent blinks. 

Daria: Trent, did you fall asleep? 

Trent: Hmm? No, I just... 

Daria: It doesn't make sense, does it? 

Trent: No, I usually know when my hair is cut. 

Daria: (walks to couch) Yeah. 

Trent runs to the nearest mirror to check his hair. Nope, no one cut it. 

Daria: (continuing) I wonder if Quinn was friends with the bottle again. 

Trent: That's pretty bad what your sister pulled on you. 

Daria: I can't believe she do something so irrational. (thinks) Wait, how did you know about it? 

Trent: Janey told me. She's the only one I can really talk to. 

Daria: She's the only one home. 

Trent: Exactly...So, you think Quinn chopped your hair? 

Daria: She's the only person who'd think improving someone's looks would be good punishment. Wait. Does that even make sense? 

Trent: (realizing) It would be a form of punishment to you to have your looks improved. 

Daria glares. 

Trent: (clears his throat) Not that they need improvement. 

Daria: Trent, how did you come up with such an astute observation? 

Trent gives her a look. 

Daria: I know, I know. Don't ask. It's early. 

Phone rings. 

Trent: Just a second. (answers phone) Daria, it's your sister. 

Daria: (amazed) Quinn?! 

Trent: Yeah, your sister. 

Quinn: (over phone) I have a name! 

Daria: (taking receiver) Yes, keg queen? 

Quinn: I know, I deserve that. I had so much pent up inside that... 

Daria: (fed up) Is there a point to this, Quinn? 

Quinn: Okay, I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry for cutting your hair... 

Daria: YOU CUT MY HAIR?!?!?! 

At this last remark, a gasp is heard at the other end of the line, and Trent jumps a little. 

Quinn: (continues)...and if you want I can pay for you to get it fixed. Not that I think you need it fixed or anything. 

Daria: Right, Quinn. 

Quinn: Well, mom must want her privacy. She's making me stay at Sandi's tonignt and she wants you to stay over there. 

Daria: At Sandi's? 

Quinn: No, at Jane's. She wants me to pack a duffel bag and bring it over for you, but I don't want to go in your room cuz it's nasty and scary and I don't like that the walls are padded and that there are bars on the window and you have that skull... 

Daria: (interrupting) Quinn, I'll be over in an hour. 

Quinn: Okay. Thanks Daria! Bye! 

Daria: (hangs up) So I need to get some clothes at home so I can spend New Year's Eve with you guys. 

Trent: That's cool. 

Jane: (walking in, groggy) Hey. (wakes up) HEY! What are you doing here? 

Daria: Killing time. 

Jane: Wow, I like your ears. Is it just me or are they lower than before? 

Daria: Quinn cut my hair in a drunken rage last night. 

Jane: If she couldn't kill your life, she'd kill your looks. 

Daria glares. 

Jane: (sweetly, not noticing the glare) Ah, sisterly love. 

Trent: I think I'm gonna go practice. Tell me when you need a ride, Daria. 

Jane: What time is it? 

Trent: Ten a.m. 

Jane: My, aren't we up early? 

Trent: Yeah. Maybe I'll catch up on my sleep instead. 

Daria: Good plan. 

Trent walks to the stairs and retreats to his room. 

Jane: Should I start making invitations? 

Daria: Again? 

Jane: No, for the wedding. I've always wanted a sister. 

Daria: You have two. 

Jane: I mean, sisters I actually talk to and see everyday. 

Daria: Oh, well in that case...(beat)...I don't think so. 

Jane: Oh come on, Daria! I'll be one of your bridesmaids. 

Daria: I will recreate the pig blood shower just for you then. 

Jane: Shall you wear the dress or shall I? 

Commercial bumper: Shot of everyone standing around Daria before she wakes up. 

============================================================================= Ah, yes, another commercial. Here, lemme try something. 

Shot of a woman's red lips. She licks them seductively, then the screen goes black. Show now a beautiful garden near the woods. A young man is standing near the edge of the trees, naked, but covered by well placed flowers and tall grass. 

Woman: The sun shines vibrantly! The birds are chirping! The bees are buzzing! The flowers are blooming! The trees are green with leaves! The warm air wafts around you as you see...... 

Shot of what the young man is standing above. 

Woman:...A Giant Landfill beneath you. You, in your truck, are dumping your trash at the local landfill. How do you see yourself? 

Shot of young man, now clothed, standing in a sea of crap, literally. 

A sheepish looking young man with curly red hair and corduroy pants and a black shirt proclaiming, "I'm killing the earth".......NO! 

Shot of young man standing in front of a cheap, not well-kept house. 

Woman: You see yourself as a fine human being, finally getting rid of the garbage before your landlord posts the eviction notice for the raunchy smell of sex and week old milk sitting out with the bag of soiled baby diapers. You know what the problem is? 

The young man shakes his head "no". 

Woman: YOU ARE, YOU, YOU MAN!!! 

Shot of lips again. Pan back to see none other than Ms. Barch sitting at her desk. She has Kevin standing at the chalkboard writing, "Men are the scum of the Earth and the heart of all problems." over and over... 

Ms. Barch: Well, you know what? Men have abandoned us at our time of need so many times that it's time to return the favor. Ladies, listen up. 

Shot of huge, and I do mean huge (think football stadium) mansion on a beautiful, hilly plain. 

ANNCR: Don't put up with your man's problems anymore. Come to The Happy Home, 30 miles outside of Lawndale. 

Ms. Barch: Let the man pay the bills, feed himself, clean house, and watch it all from your room. Yes, thanks to one of my co-workers, we will put camera's in each room and set traps to annoy your man. 

ANNCR: Come to The Happy Home! And rid of your problems forever. 

============================================================================= 

Back to the show. 

Music Monage: I Will Remember You- Sarah McLauglin 

Shot of Big Ben, the clock strikes Midnight, January 1, 2000! 

Shot of Helen and Jake, asleep in each others arms on the couch with a blanket covering them. 

Shot of Quinn and the rest of the Fashion Club looking through magazines. Sandi seems smug, Tiffany- tired, Stacy- worried, Quinn- thinking. 

Shot of Jodie, Mack, Brittany, Kevin, the three J's, and other anonymous students from LHS at Brittany's house partying. 

Shot of Upchuck in his room, downloading "anatomy" pictures in the dark. 

Shot of Andrea in her room writing a story of some sort, while looking at Upchuck through a telescope. 

Shot of The Lawndale High School Faculty (minus Ms. Li) at Mrs. Bennett's house. They're all drinking something and celebrating. 

Shot split screen of Amanda and Vincent both looking at the stars and wishing the other were near. 

Shot of Wind, Summer, Penny, Adrian, and Courtney all finding themselves in the same restaurant, celebrating. 

Shot of Jane, Daria, and Trent sitting on the couch. Jane is asleep, Trent is wide awake, and Daria is getting tired. Trent nudges Daria awake and tells her Happy New Year in his own way, a kiss on the cheek, which is surprisingly returned. Trent turns to the side and nudges Jane awake. They both wish her a Happy New Year. She stretches and gives a 3-way hug. We see Daria and Trent look at eachother, and a small blush appears on each of their faces. 

Shot of Ms. Li sitting in a jail cell in lovely stripes. She looks out the window and sees flashing lights. Sad and upset, she turns around and tries to get some sleep. 

End montage. 

INT. Lane Kitchen. 

Daria and Jane are sitting at the table with cups of tea and coffee, respectively. 

Jane: So, what were you and Trent doing before I woke up? 

Daria: Discussing why you are such a Yenta around us. 

Jane: You want me to drop it? 

Daria: (sarcastic) Give the girl a prize. 

Jane: I would, but it's just too much fun. 

Daria: What if I told you that he and I were going out? 

Jane: (surprised) I guess I'd have to stop. 

Daria: And what if I told you that we decided to be friends instead? 

Jane: (crushed) I'd set up Quinn and Trent. 

Daria: I'll call Quinn then..... 

VOICE: WHOA!!! 

EXT. A park in an imaginary city in the mind of the reader 

A familiar looking 18 year old sits in a park, reading. 

Jossie: What? I wrote THAT? 

Enters a few fan fiction writers. 

Yui: Yeah, I wondered about that, too. 

Jossie: (turning to him) So what would you write? 

~flashback~ 

A 5'7" Chinese/Mandarin self described "fatso" sits at his computer, reading the story. We see the monitor, covered in Chinese characters, next to a huge water mug with "Mind Food" written in Chinese on it. Yui's feet are on the desk, and the keyboard is in his lap. 

Yui: (reading) I'd set up Quinn and Trent...Oh, I know! 

Types furiously. 

Daria: Oh yeah. There's a match made in Hell. Of course, the only detail you've missed is how to spring Trent from the penitentary after he strangles her to death on their first date. 

~flashforward~ 

Jossie: That sounds cool. 

Kemical Reaxion: I'd personally say: (in a Daria voice) I'll call Quinn, then you set them up. 

Crazy Nutso: (in Jake voice) QU-IINN, your date is here! 

INT. Lane Kitchen 

Daria: God, are you listening to this stuff? 

Jane: It's all Greek to me. 

Trent: Et tu, Brute? 

Daria: Caesar was Roman, not Greek. 

Trent looks sheepish, then runs for an encyclopedia. 

EXT. Park 

Kemical Reaxion: I don't know about that... 

Kara: I have an idea... 

~flashback~ 

A woman with shoulder length brown hair and an oval face sits at her computer reading a newspaper. Then she types. 

Daria: I'll call Quinn and wish her the best of luck. I think she and Trent would make the perfect couple. 

Jane: (jaw dropping) You're not serious. 

Suddenly Kara gets up, runs around the room in a mad burst of energy, then sits down. She continues typing. 

Daria: Nope, I just love getting a rise out of you. (smirks) Do whatever you want. I don't care. 

Once again, Kara gets up and runs around the room in a mad burst of energy, then sits down again. 

~flashforward~ 

Jossie: That's an (gulp) interesting way to write. 

Kara: Don't you like it? 

Jossie: YEAH, I sure do. (thinks: Oh my God...) 

A serious looking man, brown hair, mustache, goatee, thick glasses, joins the group. 

John Takis: What about this... 

Daria: You'd sacrifice your own brother. I couldn't possibly condone that. Of course, it *would* get Quinn out of the house for a while...provided you could get her to date "grunge" in the first place. 

Nemo Blank: I like mine....-> 

Daria: (shocked) What? Well, I'd have to shave her head. And yours. 

Jane: (smirking) Sorry. I thought that you didn't want Trent. 

Daria: (reddens) Well, I said that we were friends. 

Jane: (laughs knowingly) Is it a *close* friendship? 

Daria: You don't really know Quinn. Friends don't let friends get Quinned. 

Crazy Nutso: Like the last words. 

John Takis: BLAST! 

Hikhali: What about...-> 

Daria: Too bad. We're still going out. 

Jane: Then why... 

Daria: Just wanted to get some revenge. 

INT. Lane Kitchen 

Daria: I do agree with the "friends don't let friends get Quinned." 

Trent enters. 

Jane: So? 

Trent: Daria was right. 

Jane: (bellows) Long live the Misery Chick! 

Daria: Shut up. I'm trying to hear this stuff. 

EXT. Park 

Now the list of writers here is A.V. Demira, Mona Nobles, Shumeup, Kara Wild, Yui Daoren, Kemical Reaxion, Proffesor Moriarity, Ben Yee, John Takis, Nemo Blank, Asha Williams, Canadibrit, Crazy Nutso, Mouse R.R, Hikhali, MJ Brault, Queen Jossie. 

Everyone is sitting in a mass, trying to get in their own rendition of the fic. 

Hikhali: Your a$$ is mine! 

Proffesor Moriarity: *There's* a statement that could be horribly miscontstrued. 

Jossie: Hikhali, do you want to be carried away? 

Hikhali: Yes. Yes I do! 

A.V.: Why don't you wait for later. Who knows what she'll come up with. 

Jossie: Good point. 

Suddenly yelling is heard from the side. We look over and see Kemical Reaxion and Hikhali in an argument. 

Kemical Reaxion: Bite me, Doughboy! 

Hikhali: If you don't like my attitude, quit talking to me. 

Kemical Reaxion: I'd rather be his whore than your wife. 

Professor Moriarity: I take it back. Now *there's* a statement that could be horribly misconstrued. 

Jossie: What's with them? 

Mona: They're having a "catchphrase fight". 

Mouse R.R: I can barely tell if they're fighting or not. 

Crazy Nutso: Maybe they'll come to blows soon. 

All look at Crazy in bewilderment. 

Crazy: What?! 

INT. Lane Kitchen 

Daria: This is getting out of hand. 

Jane: Do you suggest teh evil byproduct of our young fan fiction minds? 

Trent: Whoa. I think you got too close to the fruitcake. 

Jane: I'm talking about 'maters. 

Daria: Oh no. 

Jane: Oh yes! 

Jane lifts up a large basket holding tomatoes of every kind, not only the grey, green, and pink, but many others as well. 

At seeing this, and evil greed creeps upon Jane's face, Daria rolls her eyes, and Trent looks confused. 

Trent: What's a 'mater? 

Jane: I'll show you. (grabs a pink one) Come here, Daria. 

Daria: No way. We shouldn't even be having those. 

Jane: Why not? The writers get them, so why don't we? 

Daria: Forget it. 

Trent: (concerned) Janey, you never answered me. 

EXT. The Park 

Kara: Okay, so who decides what gets put in the story. 

Jossie: I do, what do you expect? 

Hikhali: To be carried away by men in white... 

John: You mean you haven't already? Blast! 

Suddenly, a small gasp is heard from people in the crowd. 

Ben: (looks) WHOA! He returns! 

Yui: Nihao! 

M.J.: Who returns? 

Asha: GRONK! 

Shumeup: I can't see! 

Nemo: (sarcastic) Oh, so you decide to come back now, eh? 

Canadibrit: Funny, now who are you again? 

The crowd parts slowly to show.....C.E. Forman!!!!!! 

C.E.: (flat laugh) Gee, I love you guys too! 

Commercial Bumper: Ms. Li looking out her jail cell window. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Actually, I feel the need to complain right now. (steps up on soapbox) 

I got an email from MTV stating that Daria will start Feb. 19, when the game said it would be on the 25th. Now what is it with MTV and not keeping things straight. First its the characters, then the episodes themselves, then the trivia game, and now this? What a bunch of FREAKS! I think we fan-ficters should bumrush MTV Studios on Daria Day and show them who's boss: THE VIEWERS! Or maybe hold our own little protest in the quiet of each other's homes while inhaling a half gallon of cookies and creme Ice Cream and drinking a large glass of milk, jotting down all the "OOPS" you can find. 

(Steps down from soapbox) 

I'll shut up now. (walks away) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Back to the show. 

INT. Lane Kitchen 

Jane: Oh no! He came back. I gotta do something! 

Without warning, she grabs a 'mater. 

EXT. The Park 

A.V.: So when are you coming back? 

C.E.: I am not at liberty to devulge that information at the moment, but (SLOP!) 

Jossie: What the......? 

INT. Lane Kitchen 

Daria: Jane, you didn't. 

Jane: I had to! He doesn't put you guys together like the others! 

Daria: Good grief. 

Trent: Hey, what do the pink ones do? (throws one) 

Jane: Oh NO! 

EXT. Park 

C.E.: (singing) "For he's a fine upstanding, patriotic, healthy, normal American boy!" 

Daria: Oh no! He's singing showtunes! (SLOP!) (singing) "Life's lovely when you're a woman, like me!!!" 

M.J.: STOP! MY EARS! MY POOR EARS!!!!! 

Mouse R.R: That thing must be broken. 

M.J.: Hey! That's my line! 

Mona: Guys, look! 

We turn to see Jossie and C.E. dancing and singing. 

C.E. and Jossie: (in unison, singing) "So spread sunshine all over the place, just put on a happy face!!" 

INT. Lane Kitchen 

Jane: Now see what you've done? 

Daria: They didn't fall in love! 

Trent: Were they supposed to? 

Jane: Usually it does, but maybe that one was a mutant showtune 'mater. 

Trent: What about this one? ('mater is green colored) 

Daria: You might not want to do that! 

Trent aims and fires. 

EXT. Park 

Jossie: (singing still) "One boy, on special boy, one boy to laugh with, to joke with..." (SLOP!) (in Sandi's voice) One boy? That is simply not possible. 

Yui: AHH! She mutated! 

C.E.: (singing) "You gotta be sincere..." (WHAP!) What is going on? 

Ben: What 'mater was that? 

Hikhali: I've never seen it before. Its.....PUCE! 

C.E.: What is your problem? 

Jossie: (Sandi) EWWW, puce. 

Professor: I think that puce 'maters cause people to talk in question. 

C.E.: Gee, you think? 

John: Should we be worried? 

C.E.: Were you hit too? 

John: No. 

Shumeup: Look, they're coming! 

INT. Lane Kitchen 

Jane: Trent, no more throwing unless I say so. 

Trent: But Janey.... 

Daria: Listen to your sister. She may not make sense to anyone else but lets just make her feel smart anyway. 

Jane: Remember what I can do...(mouths) pink mater! 

Trent: Are plaid 'maters all we have left? 

Jane: (evilly) Yup. 

Daria: Anyone thinking the same thing I am? 

Trent, Jane, Daria: (in unison) Hand to hand combat! 

EXT. Park 

Utter pandemonium has errupted amidst the group. Jossie has thoroughly annoyed people with her "Sandi" antics. C.E. is still talking in questions, and others are observing the two with silent hilarity. Jane, Trent, and Daria arrive unnoticed. 

Yui: Canadibrit... 

Canadibrit: (off by nemo) YO! 

Yui: I could have swore you were over by..(looks to Nemo).Nemo. 

Daria: Jane, may I do the honors. 

Jane: Go right ahead. 

With that command, Daria shoves the plaid 'mater in Yui's mouth, causing him to laugh in hysterics. 

Daria: (covering her ears) Make it stop!!! 

Yui: (between laughs) Oh, you little booger! 

Professor: (slop) You get a 5 second head start! 

A.V.: (runs into Jane)OOOF! Sorry. 

Jane: (mock mean) Yeah, you better run! (fires) 

Kemical Reaxion: (slop) Get off my $h!t! 

Crazy: GAH! My eye! HELEN! 

Asha: GRONK! 

M.J.: (seeing the 'mater war) I've always dreampt of being hit with a rotten tomatoe, *sigh* 

Trent: Okay then! 

Hikhali: Big Mistake! I'm gonna turn a chair sideways and shove it up your @$$! 

Daria blows her whistle. 

Suddenly, men in white come in a sedate her, wrap her in a huggable jacket, and cart her off in an ox cart to be tarred, feathered, and hung by her earlobes over a pit of rabid bull dogs. 

Daria: (seeing the feat) God bless America! 

Ben: (flop) Itai! 

Mona: You did *not* just do that! 

Kara: I can't tell these damn 'maters apart! 

John: They're all the same. (slop) I do believe I have been pummelled. 

CUT TO: The park, five minutes later. All the writers are sitting in a large group, making noises and lauging hysterically while being tied together by Trent. Jane and Daria have retreated to the bench to rest. 

Jane: So, you and Trent are going to be friends? 

Daria: Yeah. We decided that would be the best. 

Jane: So I never got to see any kissing or anything?! Damn! 

Daria: I know you are thoroughly depressed by this. 

Jane: I am! 

Trent: (walking to them) That should hold them until they come around. 

Jane: (getting an idea) Daria, why don't you go stand next to Trent. I want to get a picture of you two before we go. 

Daria: You brought a camera? 

Jane: (reaching in pocket) Yeah. Just a sec. 

She turns away from them and takes out the last 'pink mater. Saved for the perfect moment. Figetting with it, she turns to see the two talking. 

Jane: (innocently) Just a sec, guys. Camera prob. 

Trent: You want some help? 

Jane: NO! Heh, no. I don't need any help. It'll just be a sec. 

Trent: Whoa. I've never seen her like this before. 

Daria: You wouldn't think she's being a (loud) YENTA, would you? 

Trent: I don't know, Daria. She promised. 

Jane: (turning around) Okay, I'm ready. Everyone say, "'Mater!" 

SLOP!!!! 

Daria: (looking at Trent, sultry, but really joking) Oh Trent? 

Trent: (purring, equally joking) Yes Daria? 

The two lean into each other and..... 

THE END!!! 

HAhahahahaahahah! You'll never know! 

Okay. Sorry to end it like that but hey, you gotta leave something to the imagination! This will be my last fic until I get all my College stuff out of the way, or at least until the new season starts. Tell me what you think! - iamthequeen@chickmail.com - Thanks guys, and happy reading. 

AND a special thank you to all of my willing cameos, I hope I did you justice. In no particular order: Yui Daoren Professor Moriarity Kemical Reaxion MJ Brault Hikhali Mouse R.R Ben Yee Crazy Nutso Canadibrit Asha Williams Mona Nobles A.V. Demira Shumeup Kara Wild John Takis Nemo Blank C.E. Forman 


End file.
